Monday, October 31, 2022

Episode #147: I Are Not Smart!

This is my punishment for what I had inflicted onto my family this week and the main reason for the extreme lateness of this post.

Flashback to Wednesday, October 26, 2022. It was a sunny day in suburbia and I was sitting in my basement jamming to some tunes on my phone when all of a sudden I lost my WiFi. I said to myself, no biggie, I'll just reboot the modem. So I did. Nothing. Did it again. Nothing. Did a few more times. Nothing.

Call our ISP and they try to fix it via the phone. Nothing. Said the earliest appointment they had was Monday, October 31st. Fantastic.

We spent the next five days eating our phone data like it was a Monster Energy drink. We even learned how to hotspot our phone for about 1 1/2 hours of daily computer use. We spent that week writing a particularly difficult chapter, helping my daughter just a tiny bit for her Halloween party (she and bf dressed as Cheech & Chong. Yes, you read correctly) and being an all-around mega grump.

Fast forward to today. Technician comes out, spends exactly thirty seconds checking things out, comes back upstairs from the basement and says it's fixed. We ask what was wrong. He says it was off. He asked if I had seen any of the lights on the front of the modem on. I say, with the way it was situated, I had to climb on the washer to reset it, so no I didn't see the front of the modem.

We now present the lamest excuse ever, right up there with anything that a Democratic politician has uttered with a complete straight face. At the time the modem hiccuped, there was no ready access to the modem as there were two doors in the way, so the only way to get to the modem was to climb on top of the washing machine. Thus, I was unable to see whether or not the lights were on.

So basically, while trying to reset the modem by turning it on and off, the last time I pressed the button was to turn off the modem. I will note that my daughter's bf was able to move the other door out of the way after they took the first door upstairs to use for beer pong. Doors were down because the new dryer was too wide with the doors attached.

So, to quote a certain political spokesmen, let's circle back to the title of the post and confirm that salient point: for five days, I made my entire family suffer with no WiFi and with no landline (connected to the WiFi so no great loss with that one). All because I didn't press the shiny red button one last time that would've turned on the modem, bathing the house in the rapturous spirit of WiFi, and making the family's inner chi balanced once again. 

We are not smart. We do not want fries with that level of smartness. Instead, we deserve candy-corn flavored PEEPS for our transgression. And maybe pineapple on our pizza.


{c} 2022 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

8 comments:

  1. Crap! That sucks.
    I'm surprised your daughter even knows who Cheech and Chong are. Way before her time.

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    1. You wouldn't believe how much it sucked. I used more data on my phone in the past five days than I did in the past three months (I average about 1.5 GB per month).

      And yes, I was very surprised that they both, being under 22, knew who Cheech & Chong were. But then again, Mary Jane is the casual pharmaceutical of choice of today's younger generation, so yeah.

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  2. That sucks! I'm surprised the phone company didn't detect you had the modem turned off when you called them. Interesting that the young generation knows who Cheech and Chong are!

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    1. To them, the modem being off and being broken are one and the same. They couldn't remotely access it, so they went by the reasonable assumption that it was broken and not off.

      My youngest has had exposure to that particular pharmaceutical at a very early age in her high school (she knew and was friends with a few illicit entrepreneurs), so it wasn't a complete total surprise. My daughter is more in tune with older pop culture than others of her age (21).

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  3. Oh, that's too funny, LOL! A real Halloween trick, not a treat at all! I hope you've got the modem situated now so that you can see the front of it.

    And ugh, candy corn flavoured Peeps -- what an abomination that would be. But don't peddle your pineapple pizza prejudice to ME -- I LOVE pineapple pizza! That's right -- just pineapple and cheese, not even any ham. Dee-LISH! But then, I'm Canadian and we invented pineapple pizza. No need to thank us -- it's our gift to the world!

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    1. With the doors saving put back on, we have no problem looking, or at least seeing in the dark, the front of the modem.

      It wouldn't surprise me if there were candy-corn flavored Peeps. I've seen quite a few things connected to Peeps, why not that.

      Pineapple pizza seems to be the rage of discussion all over the 'net. Personally, I would have to experiment with it on a personal level before I spend money at a pizza place. Did the same thing with onions on a pizza and now I have no problem with onins.

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  4. I bet in some ways it was good to do that, forcing you to do other stuff. Yep, nowadays no wifi or phone is hell, too dependant on the gadgets!
    I always triple check everything lately. Went a day without cable because needed resetting after a road accident knockout, had to move a pile to unplug then replug the cord. Too much dusty work! I can relate to stuff being difficult to get to.
    I bet the cable guy was really tall too!
    SnaggleTooth,/Ev

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    1. In a way, it was. I had already switched over to writing after breakfast, so my computer usage was down to begin with. So basically, I was able to increase the output of my writing efforts.

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Lay it on me, because unlike others, I can handle it.