I Have Stories To Tell! Episode the 18th

Boy howdy and howdy doody to the boys and girls who simply enjoy being boys and girls respectively and welcome to the skewered literary world of G.B. Miller, where being seriously glib at work allows you to float like Woodstock and sting like a Donald Trump mic drop.

I thought that for today's post I would give it the old college try of writing a semi-sensible post about random encounters with dogs. But first, s little back story via the pictorial.

I live with three dogs. Lucky, the dog in the top photo, is roughly the age of Methuselah {aka 18 years old} and has a brain holier than Swiss cheese {due to a few mini strokes} but has weird bursts of energy at the strangest times; Tina, the smaller Chihuahua in the bottom photo who seems to be perpetually wound up on quadruple shot espresso; and Oreo, who has no qualms in taking on dogs 20 times his size.

For better or worse {mostly worse} I perpetually have the taint of dog on me, my clothes and my jacket. Normally this isn't a problem, but starting about a couple of months ago, it had become an indirect focus on a disturbing twist to my weekly walks.

As you may or may not know, I have taken up hardcore walking on the weekends. On a normal Saturday, I walk to the center of town run my errands while listening to podcasts/music on my smartphone. This usually takes me about 1 1/2 to 2 hours to accomplish, with the round trip covering about 4 miles. Sundays, I walk late in the morning for a couple of hours, which also covers about 3 to 4 miles as well.

Up until very recently, I had no problem with the myriad of dogs that I would come across on my journeys. Whenever I would come across one, more often than not I would allow the dogs to give my jeans a quick sniff before complimenting the owner of said dog about said dog and continuing on my walk.

However, about two to three months ago, I had an encounter with a dog that afterwards left me skittish about allowing dogs near me. I started out on a walk and as I got to the bottom of my driveway, I had an encounter with a neighbor who was out walking her dog. I did my usual thing and allowed the dog check me out.

Next thing I know, the dog jumps up and attempts to nip my arm. Both I and the neighbor are shocked, with the neighbor quickly pulling the dog back and uttering the trite cliche of "She's never done that before!", which was quickly followed up with a very sincere apology.

Since then, every dog that I encounter during my walks, I give a very wide berth, in that if I'm on a sidewalk and I see one coming, I will detour to the street and walk around, or detour to the other side of the street if I'm walking on a side street. Sad, I know, but this is how I currently choose to deal with having potential contact with dogs.

This may change to something more lethal as I had a very close encounter with another neighbor's dog who attempted to nip/bite my face. I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say, I was not at fault with this one either.

By nature, I do like dogs, but after these two "attacks" (for lack of a better word), I will have no qualms in defending myself by any means necessary should a 3rd "attack" arise.

As always, you can follow my act on Facebook and additionally, have a sparkling week.

{c} 2019 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

I Have Stores To Tell! Episode the 17th

Girl howdy and howdy to the boy who enjoys being a manly-man in public, a manly-man in private and a girly-man in music videos, and welcome to the irregular triangle literary world that is G.B. Miller, who takes no guff (archaic phrase), no lip (another archaic phrase) and will never offer you a tissue for your issue (chat room insult).

Before we get into the topic of today, we must first present the picture of the week.

Spring will soon be springing, so don't forget to stock up on those hot-dogs and buns for those warmer days that you to do some out door grilling. Thems good eats fer shure.

The topic for today's post is blurbs.

And you know how I just simply love writing blurbs. They're in my top three list of writing related projects that I do not like to do, right behind the dreaded synopsis and query letter.

As a point of reference, it took me 13 attempts before I succeeded in writing a blurb for the first book in my trilogy, The Friendship Has Begun. Most of the failure was due to 1} starting at the wrong reference point, 2} starting at the right reference point and 3} procrastination.

For book #2, The Friendship Has Continued, I decided to be very proactive. This was primarily due to the fact that the option that I had chosen with the freelance editor that I had hired, was a 9 week turnaround. This meant, among other things, that I would be a bit more involved with editing process with this book than I was with the previous book.

So with roughly a three week window of down time to play with, I got right to work on writing the blurb. On the plus side, because this was the middle book of the trilogy, I had the benefit of referring to the 1st book. On the minus side, because this was the middle book of a trilogy, I had the unenviable task of working in a smidgen of the 1st book into this blurb.

After the 2nd attempt, I posted a snippet on my FB page in order to 1} show people what kind of progress I was making and 2} get some advice on how to make it better. Got quite a few likes on the former and some excellent advice on the latter.

So off I went again with advice in hand. One day and two attempts later, I had my blurb. All 264 words. Granted, it does seem to be a bit long, so I do plan on doing a little judicious editing, but basically, this is it.

As Nikia prepared for her wedding, little did she know the exchange of the two sacred words would change the lives of her and her betrothed in ways they could never imagine. After her surrealistic return from an alternative world, how many of the friends she had made there would infiltrate her new life? 

Pushing that slice of paranoia to a seldom used corner of her mind, Nikia turned her attention back to helping her sisters get ready. She cajoled surly attitudes, massaged bruised egos and pumped up dual self esteems to a high glossy finish. Only when her sisters had gotten to the point of equaling her in lusciousness did she feel confident enough to step outside and present her total self to the family and friends that had gathered to witness what they long thought inconceivable.

The Friendship Has Continued continues the journey that Nikia Robinson had taken up, by focusing on her unforgettable wedding to Raymond Hugo as well as her equally memorable honeymoon. Does her new found strength and attitude help her carry the day? Or does she slip back into who she was prior to? Even worse, do her newly made friends from a few weeks ago show up to infiltrate and potentially ruin the happiness that she and her sisters had finally found for themselves?

From the raucous wedding celebration in rural Connecticut to the utter weirdness of Southern Virginia, The Friendship Has Continued will put you front and center on a surrealistic journey that will continue to push it to the very core of your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Let me know what you think.

Tune in next week, when we'll go off on a related tangent that just might turn into another short series of what makes G.B. function as a writer.

{c} 2019 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

I Have Stories To Tell! Episode the 16th

Just outside downtown Hartford CT

Hi-ho and welcome to the skewered literary world of G.B. Miller, where the cityscape that you see is simply a pipe dream for liberal/progress politicians to perpetually hose their constituents with and the constituents are simply too moronically stupid to realize that 1984 is alive and well.

In last week's post, I gave everyone an example on how I used the concepts of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory (aka Limbo) as a partial setting for a novella. For today's post, I will give you a prime example of going hog wild with those concepts, as well as a possible writing tip/discovery.

Back in the land of 2017 when I decided to write my trilogy {the super condensed info dump can be found here} I needed a proper setting/world to have my story take place in. Long story made into a wickedly short sentence, I remembered a particular one-off scene in a previous slushie that I could expand and elaborate on.

Once I decided to devote some brain cells to it, I was surprisingly able to create a entire mini-world for the first book of my trilogy.

Books by G.B. Miller

So using a can opener to unleash the whimsy contained within, I decided that since the only things that I was able to salvage from my slushie novel (ultimately this slushie, which was original designed to be prequel to my chapbook, gave birth to two complete novels) was a girl and a bar. Out of those two particular plot items, I fashioned a complete trilogy

In book one, since I was using Purgatory as my main setting and featuring both plot items, I needed something that would fit seamlessly with the main world. That something turned out to be the old west of the late 19th century, and ultimately we went hog wild with this.

1} We created a noirish/gothic/spaghetti style western town. And when I say spaghetti western, I mean the full complete deluxe version: empty deserted streets, dilapidated buildings, tumbleweed, you name it, it was there.

2} We upgraded the saloon into something positively hideous, which in this case was making it a portal to the land of sulfur and suffering.

3} We took some of the traditional trappings of Hell and turned it sideways. We modernized it just a shade and upped both the horror and psychological factor to the overall journey/rescue.

4} While roughly 95% of the book took place in this warped mini-world, we did add some elements of both Heaven and Hell to the overall mix, the most prominent being a somewhat modern version of the Holy Trinity (apologies to those who might be offended by this). I can tell you with 100% certainty that I did nothing to debase them in any way, shape or form. I may sometimes go off on weird tangents with my writing, I try my very best to show whatever concept I may happen to use, complete respect.

One other thing that I should point out, since I've often been accused of being a neanderthal with certain viewpoints, is that I do believe in diversity. Not the kind of diversity that people bludgeon other people with, but common sense everyday diversity. Like, having a woman as a minister. This person pops up at the end of the story and at the beginning of book #2. I actually I don't have a problem with this, as I remember from decades gone by of having a youth minister who was a woman.

Thus ends our two part series on how I use religion and religious concepts in my writings. Have a spiffy week and I'll catch up with everyone next week with a super riveting post about writing blurbs.

{c} 2019 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

I Have Stories To Tell! Episode the 15th

Boy howdy and howdy to the people who are trying to leave my unhappy state of residence and welcome to the finely out-of-tune literary world of G.B. Miller, who calls them as he really sees them...which would make him a very crappy politician.

Today's post will be a mish-mosh of random meaty nuggets designed to fill your stomach but leave your head completely fried.

Take one-hundred-fifty-seven.

For starters, we have another ye olden Tumblr intro to share with you. From April 22, 2017:

Welcome to the wonderfully skewered literary world of G.B. Miller, where crap is king (just ask a typical Democrat), resistance is futile (just ask any college student who happens to be a Republican) and nanny government is the new 1984.

A few posts ago, I feather touched the hot-button topic that is religion, with my focus being on a particular throwaway scene between the MC and a one-off character. For the next two posts, I thought I would elaborate on that particular hot button issue, thus giving you good readers an small insight on what makes G.B. tick at a writer.

I've always had a healthy, albeit seriously skewered, outlook on religion, organized or otherwise. I'm not really sure why or how that came about. I never really went to church much as an adult, and only went as a child when I was required to do so by the parental units (now that's a dated phrase, eh). I never became skeptical about religion (I do believe there is a higher deity) nor did I questioned the tenets closely. For me, it was just one small slice of my character development that I never really gave any thought to.

I think that because of my relatively blase attitude towards religion, it never became an issue of conscience when I started using a few religious concepts as background scenery for my stories. To me, they were simply places to set a story in, which in turn allowed me to customize/tweak to my twisted heart's content for modern audiences.

For example, for a novel that ultimately became a yummy slushy (this was my first attempt at taking a mediocre 24 page short story and turning it into a full length novel. 75% completed before I completely and utterly lost the plot thread), I took the concept from this Albert Brooks movie and tweaked it just a shade.

I made both Heaven and Purgatory symbiotic corporate entities and went to town with it: a bus making its daily journey around the world to pick up the recently deceased, bringing them to Purgatory, which became something of a transfer station, and then having them relive their life up to the point of death. I never really got beyond that, as it eventually petered out and got shelved.

However, the one thing I did takeaway from that decent slushy (besides not wanting to copy a movie concept too closely again), was that I didn't want to make my Purgatory sterile like that again. You noticed that I didn't include either Heaven or Hell, and there is a good reason for that. I've always found the concept of Purgatory (or Limbo if prefer) completely and utterly fascinating.

I've always thought that Purgatory never got its proper due, unlike Heaven and Hell. So the bulk of my stories going forward that had any religious concepts always focused on Purgatory. Heaven sometimes got hinted at as well as Hell, but the main focus was always on Purgatory.

There was the occasional exception to that rule, with the most glaring one being this particular novella.

Books by G.B. Miller

The story concept was pretty basic: boy meets girl, boy obsesses over girl, boy tries to get girl through nefarious means, boy suffers the consequences.

What makes this more unique is that this entire novella was a based on a blog post. You read correctly, a blog post. I had written a piece of mini flash fiction as a blog post one day and ultimately decided to turn it into a story.

While one of the protagonists was from Purgatory, two others were from Heaven. Purgatory was mentioned infrequently as I decided to tighten my focus on Heaven and Hell-on-Earth.

While I did manage to introduce/flesh out some the traditionally nasty elements of Hell, the main focus was a modern battle between Heaven (in the form of Gabriel and Michael) and Hell (the evil boyfriend), with just a tiny bit of Purgatory being used as a conduit for both Heaven and Hell.

Overall, I did a respectable job of fleshing out and telling a modern version of the age old battle of who was to get a possession of a soul: Heaven or Hell. But I knew, that deep down with a little more practice, I could up the ante and go hog wild in creating another story using the triad of Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory that would blow everyone away.

Next week: The Friendship Trilogy.

As always, you can follow me on FB and check out my writings via the covers on the front page.

{c} 2019 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

I Have Stories To Tell! Episode The ISWG 2nd

IWSG

Girl howdy and howdy to one and all, and welcome to the seriously so-far-left-of-center-that-it's-considered-to-be-right literary world of G.B. Miller, who considers himself to be the funniest person in a room of one.

Today is the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's time for the IWSG blog hop. This particular day is set aside for insecure writers across the blog-o-sphere to share all of our individual experiences, the gud, the baaaaaad and the plug ugly.

Since this post is geared towards some type of writing insecurity/tangent, and that I had already bloviated this past Sunday (3/3) about the writing crutch called "cliches", it seems that I must use the alternative question for this months post.

"Whose perspective do you like to write from best, the hero {protagonist} or the villain {antagonist}? And why?"

I think that I'd originally started writing from the viewpoint of the hero, but it slowly morphed into writing from both points of view in a given story. Up until very recently, it was usually two people that I would bring into the mix for a given story, one the hero and one the villain, and I would alternate both viewpoints in the story. More often than not, they would lean towards the hero when all was said and done.

For my current trilogy, the perspective has done a complete 360, in that my original hero, by book #3, has morphed into the villain. In book #1, she started as the hero, so the perspective was written completely through her. In book #2, the perspective still stayed her as the hero, up until the last two pages of the book. 

For book #3, the perspective is now being shifted for the first half of the book, as my hero has now turned into the villain. For the second half, I haven't quite settled on what the perspective will be. I still believe that my hero-turned-villain will stay that way, but I'm also toying with the idea of making my villain a sympathetic figure.

So as you can see, while the question should be a no-brainer to answer, for me it seems like my writing perspective has evolved to something that is mixture of both hero and villain within the same main character.

{c} 2019 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

I Have Stories To Tell! Episode the 14th

Girl howdy and howdy to the boy who shakes his groove thing, often with disastrous results, and welcome to the highly skewered literary world of G.B. Miller, where SJW is a dirty word, Democrat is a dirtier word and common sense is extinct.

Last week we touched upon the topic of "throwaway scenes" and how they could showcase a particular scene without any adverse effects.

Today's topic of choice, which is a newbie's absolute favorite writing crutch, is the cliche. For you established writers, I know you're gonna cringe in pain as if you were listening to this aria, but please bear with me as I try to do a intervention by enlightening those who are learning the ropes and just getting their toes wet.

There are quite a few writing rules that one should absolutely pay attention to when you're starting out on the road to being comfortably rich enough to buy a case of quality beer/lager/IPA once a year. One of those rules is the minimal use/overuse of cliches. There is a right way and a wrong way to use cliches, and today we're going to talk about both.

Part the 1st, the wrong way to use cliches.

An over-reliance on using cliches can turn an average story into something that a reader would say, "Bleech!" before tossing it away. In case you're a bit clueless on what a cliche is, this definition by the Oxford Dictionary should help immeasurably.

While you think that you're being extremely clever with peppering your story with the tried and true cliches, you're really not. As a reader, unless you the writer are writing a period piece that requires an over-abundance of slangy phrases, I get extremely turned off by cliches. Makes me think that you the writer doesn't have diddly/squat. So at all costs, do not use them. Use the talent that you're busy fleshing out to describe what you want to say in better detail. However, if you must use cliches in your stories, then continue reading.

Part the 2nd, the right/less wrong way to use cliches.

An under-reliance of using cliches is your best bet. Your second best bet is to create fresh phrases to replace the ye olden phrase that means the roughly the same thing. As a writer, I try to use a mixture of both. I always shoot for an under-reliance of cliches, because I know my writing is strong enough to keep the cliches at the bare minimum. However, there are times when I do need to use them in order to get a point across.

Example #1: "Sure as you're black and he's white."

This was basically an answer to the question of "Are you sure?" that the MC had asked. While on the surface it may sound crass, it does point out that the person asking is black and the person with her is white. In other words, the answer is confirming a case of the obvious.

Example #2: She licked it like a lolly, sucked on it like a vacuum and embraced it like a jar of warm honey.

This is basically a fleshed out description of....a particularly personal act one does in the confines of the bedroom with their significant other. There are myriad of ways to describe these kind of things but sometimes, you really want to get creative w/o getting explicit, and reworking a trite cliche can do wonders for scenes such as these:

Example #3: Nuder than a centerfold and twice as hot.

Most of the ways that you can describe a person's physical attributes, whether male or female, absolutely drip with conformity and staleness. Thus, a new twist on describing a naked person, which in this particular case, is a woman. It paints a vivid picture w/o getting overly explicit.

So as you can see, there's a right way and a wrong way to use cliches. Cliches are great for when you're practicing your writing (kind of like Tom Swiftys) or when you're blogging and you want to use a little humor. They're not so great when you rely on them for your story and write them verbatim. If you must use a cliche, then your best bet is to rework it into something fresh, unique and 100% you.

{c} 2019 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved