Episode #243: I'm Sorry, What Was Your Name Again?

Another lovely chalk drawing created during the annual Newington Waterfall Festival, which is the official goodbye to summer and a timid hello to autumn.

I love creating throwaway characters for my stories. You just give them a few characteristics and a reason for being in your scene, then POOF!, they're discarded like a celeb's political opinion, never to be heard from again. Usually.

However, while I love creating throwaway characters, I do have a small issue when it comes to giving them a....bleech...name. When I have to plaster their entire being with a name, it usually means that this person can't be deposed of like a celeb's political opinion, but instead you have to give them the short attention span treatment.

Which is easier said than done. But...I do have secret guilty pleasure when it comes to slapping a moniker on a throwaway: giving them the most horrendously puerile name that I have stashed in my memory.

I know you know what I'm talking about. There are names that we have heard used back in the day in books, movies, radio and t.v., that automatically makes us want to use a spoon for gagging purposes. That's right, they're the kind of names that you can instantly conjure a bad stereotype of right off the bat (think of Ralph Wiggins from the Simpsons), whether they're male or female.

I actually have a short catalog of annoying names, mostly male, that I draw from when I have a character that appears in the story just a shade longer than a "blink and you'll miss" cameo. I say 'mostly male', because the majority of my stories skewer quite heavily towards women and I cannot bring myself to write those kind of obnoxious people as female.

For example, I use the name Melvin quite a lot in my stories. Back in the day, I rank the name 'Melvin' right up there with 'Myron' and 'Eugene' for names that I instantly dislike {equivalent would be those cute kitty memes/pics that often can induce rage among the populace}. So I often use the name for very unlikable characters that need to stick around longer than a "blink and you'll miss him" cameo.

In an upcoming novella, I had a character that was key to moving a few plot points along, even though each encounter lasted less than two total paragraphs (had three appearances in total). So naturally he gained the sobriquet of 'Melvin'. 

Melvin was one of those greasy fat blobs of a human being that seemed to live in his car 24/7/365 and was one of those annoying little druggies who thought he was hot stuff with his dealer and the ladies he would come across {what we would probably call today, an 'incel'}. Melvin was easily intimidated by anyone who had displayed just a tiny whiff of intolerance to his verbal vomit, so naturally, he became a verbal/physical punching bag to those who could actually back up what they were saying to him. So he was the perfect throwaway character that showed up, drank your beer, scarfed down your nachos, insulted your female guests, then left with his tail between his legs.

In my current novella, I managed to use quite a few throwaways that lasted less than three pages for each appearance: generic wannabe tough guys, corrupt cops, various members of a large collection agency, even an atypical druggie and pimp. All nameless and all were used to simply move the story along. I believe this was the first story where I didn't need to tack on a name for a long term throwaway, as everyone who was named was an essential character to the story.

In my current project, because I had so many plotlines going, the unfortunate aspect of naming my throwaways had to be deployed. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to keep the usage of each throwaway character to a manageable level, so in essence, they started drifting from throwaway to additional. But, and this is a big one, I actually had to go back in time to make sure that I wasn't repeating any of the names for those throwaways, because each and every character was injected with just enough personality to make them unique.

So the throwaways for this story with names were as follows: a Lothario teacher (Leonid), a peasant (Simon), a chatty horse who doesn't know when to stay silent (Lawrence), a well-respected teacher among his pupils (Mr. Percival), a group of humanoids (Arturo, Isiah, Louis, Anatole) and one dog (Cerberus). All of these charming people were essential to moving the various plotlines along.

Now comes the part that all writers can enjoy creating: throwaways with no names.

Those are much more fun to play with, as it's one of the few times that you can use a blatant stereotype in order to move a plot a long/showcase your protagonist/antagonist in their particular element without the reader getting too much annoyed with you. At least if you're putting that particular throwaway in their place.

Need a way to showcase a character's ability to inflict broken bones/leave a lasting impression by only touching them? Create a stereotypical brutish drunkard with more brawn than brain cells. For added hilarity, imply that the man might be from the Old West. To leave a lasting impression, create a stereotypical foppish palace courtier that is all bark and no bite. Need a way to showcase a character's acerbic wit that can cut a Sequoia down to kindling? Create a pompous Kevin/Karen who likes to name drop "important friends".

There are virtually an endless amount of opportunities to create throwaway characters that are both cannon fodder and move a particular plot point along. You don't need to pour a multitude of character development for a throwaway character. Remember, people playing a red shirt member of Star Trek or a starship trooper from Star Wars were there just to collect a paycheck. No more, no less. Your throwaway character is there to just collect a paycheck, only in the form of actual dialogue. No more, no less.

Have a fun filled happy Monday, and remember, every person deserves their moment in the sun, but not every person deserves to have multiple moments in the sun.

{c} 2024 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved