Having no real idea on what to blog about this week (well, actually I do have one, but I'm certainly not in the mood to inflict my whining on my readers), I thought I would trip down my work memory lane and dig out a 15 1/2 year old e-mail to share.
Now I'm going to tweak a key word here, because I don't quite remember if I had posted this in a previous blog of mine or not. Also, I just realized that tweaking that one word will probably give everyone conniption fits afterwards. Enjoy!
Because I'm A Woman!
1} Because I'm a woman: when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set it. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
2} Because I'm a woman: when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another woman shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of White Claws and break wind as a form of holy communion.
3} Because I'm a woman: when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a man. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
4} Because I'm a woman: I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like wine, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic things like 'cumin' or 'tofu'. For all I know, these are the same thing.
5} Because I'm a woman: when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
6} Because I'm a woman: I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch t.v. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
7} Because I'm a woman: there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, food. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
8} Because I'm a woman: I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got for Mother's Day is okay. I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick something up for my mother too.
9} Because I'm a woman: you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
10} Because I'm a woman: I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
11} Because I'm a woman: and this is, after all, the year 2024, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.....Like wandering around in the garden with a glass of Chablis wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for men to better understand women.
Here's to a fantastic Monday and a fantabulous rest of your week.
My wife would be in fits about that one!
ReplyDeleteMy wife would probably be saying to me, "That's right!" multiple times while reading. Probably my daughter too.
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