Episode #246: Free-Formin' To A Free-Fallin' Monday

Barking at the...sun? 

Today's post was actually inspired by a FB post from my FB friend Lynn, in which she made a funny comment about Mondays. I seriously almost went to town with a song lyric/title montage in her comment section about Mondays, but since discretion is the better part of my humor these days, I chose to save it for a blog post.

Thus, today's blog post is, as the title suggests, a satirical take on song titles/lyrics associated with our least favorite day of the week. Now, I want to make clear right off the bat is that this post will not, repeat. will not become one monster link-fest to that wonderfully annoying video platform called YouTube. Instead, I will add a list at the end of all the bands that performed the songs referenced in this fun filled blog post, in chronological order of course.

So, sit back and enjoy this wonderfully tiny little blog post by your friend, G.B. Miller.

~~~~~~~~

We find Ted staring rather morosely outside his cubicle window at the chaotically wet scene unfolding in front of him. Sighing in disgust, he says, "Man, why is this Monday ringing so Blue today? I can't get any work done with this depressing shade of angry blue. It's just not that inspiring to me."

"Ted! Hey Ted! Have you got that monthly petty cash report finished for me?"

"Bob, what an unexpected surprise to my dull morning. What are you babbling on about now?"

"Dull? It's not dull by any means! It's a very Happy Monday today! It's a great day to be alive and working like a busy beaver. Speaking of which, did you get that power point report completed?"

"No Bob, I didn't get your power point report completed. This Rainy Day Monday is simply not doing it for me. How can you be so full of life on such a crappy Monday?"

"Ted, Ted, Ted. How can you be so glum on such a beautiful Monday. Monday is my favorite day of the week. Don't you like Mondays?"

"No Bob, I Don't Like Mondays. In fact, I like Mondays just about as much as I like shampooing my pet guinea pig. So, what else do you need besides that stupid power point presentation?"

Bob fell silent as he tried to come up with a witty retort to Ted's dour answer. Suddenly the answer him like an Acme Anvil. "I got it! My favorite group has the perfect Monday morning anthem for you! It's a great song called Life Sucks (Then You Die). Let me pull it up on my YouTube playlist."

"What kind of Monday morning anthem celebrates Murphy's Law? That's really offensive you know. I have half a mind to report you to H.R."

"It'll be ignored, you do know that, right?"

"Bob....isn't it about time you start bothering Carol and Alice? I mean, they are your work wives, right?"

"We're in the middle of a nasty divorce. If they prevail, they get my office suite, my personal assistant and you. Can't let them win Ted."

That bit of news definitely brightened Ted's state of mind, since he would absolutely love to be part of a super intelligent dynamic duo like Carol and Alice. Bob noticed Ted's new and improved mood, and said, "I knew my Monday morning anthem would do the trick for you. So, I'll expect that power point report from you sooner than later?"

"Absotively Posilutely my friend!"

"That's the cubicle spirit!" said Bob as he flounced back to his office suite to contemplate the true meaning of a menace a trois.

The list: Fats Domino; power pop group The Happy Mondays; The Carpenters; The Mamas & The Papas; The Boomtown Rats; and finally, The Fools. The Fools had a cult hit in the late 80's actually called "Life Sucks (Then You Die)" which turned into a Monday Morning anthem on rock radio. A wickedly funny take on Murphy's Law.

{c} 2024 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

Episode #245: Where Oh Where Are My Ideas?

Decided to do one last quasi-hike/walk up the mountain this past Saturday {10/19}, which included a closed side street that was recently shorn of vegetation by Eversource so that they could safely access the power lines. Was able to take almost a half dozen pictures of a seldom seen part of the mountain, including this nifty fall foliage scene crackling with sunlight.

This post is my semi-monthly to monthly two-fer, in which you get random thoughts here and pictures over at that resurrected picture blog of mine, Pictures For Smarties!

Random thoughts

Had a brief writing related reality check when I suddenly had a full barrel of fish, a rod and reel and no fish caught. In other words, no ideas on what to write for a blog post.

I mean, I could give a writing update, but frankly, how many times can I say, "I'm in the home stretch and I have just a few more chapters to go!", before it starts sounding painfully redundant?

"I'm in the home stretch and I have just a few more chapters to go!"

 But, as they say, inspiration comes from the oddest of places, which in today's skewered world is Face-planting my Book. A FB friend of mine made a comment about Mondays being a drag, which triggered a tangent based on that troublesome day of the week. Fortunately enough for everyone else, I had enough presence of mind not to continue because I still don't quite know how they take my quirky sense of humor. So keep your eyes peeled for a very odd post about that troublesome day of the week, done in the form of...well, I'll let you both be surprised and be the judge.

So, this post is short on brevity and short on word salad. Have an enjoyable Monday, because the world indeed does revolve around you. Oh and in case you're below the age of say 50 and haven't watched the golden years of 70's television, part of my blog title refers to this nifty song.

{c} 2024 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

Episode #244: Still Entertaining Myself Weakly...But Happily

Once again successfully testing out my theory that you can find a non-fiction book on just about any topic you can think of. This is my latest gently used book purchase from my local public library. The main topic is drinking and partying throughout the centuries.

You're welcome.

Today's fun filled topic was last touched upon by me back in the Spring/Summer of 2023: podcasts. 

At this point in my life, I have basically given up listening to music during my twice daily walks, as the major music platform that I use for music {TuneIn} is not very good. It's decent, to a certain degree, for podcast listening.

The other major platform that I use is IHeart. Say what you want about IHeart Radio, but they do have their act together when it comes to media. IHeart is what Audacy, Spotify and TuneIn strive to be. This ends the editorialization part of today's post, so now we move on to the entree portion of the post.

Podcasts.

I rarely listen to music while walking these days. I think it's due to three reasons: unhappiness with my music app TuneIn (a multitude of reasons that boil down to how they run their business stupider, not smarter); the finickiness of using Chrome in a non-app format while in a semi-dead zone town and in the summer Baseball via the MLB app.

Podcasts for me have become the logical successor for audiobooks. Now to be fair, I haven't listened to audiobooks since the early 1990's when they were available exclusively in the cassette/CD format (yes, showing my age here) and I'm very leery in general of purchasing something in an exclusively digital format (which is why I never got into downloading MP3's and the like). I won't bore you with even the T.L.;D.R. version of how I came into the world of podcasts, but instead will skip right to what keeps my usually short attention span occupied when I'm doing something healthy like walking. 

I currently have a set list of 26 podcasts that I listen to on a rotating ten day basis (during the summer, it can take me up to two weeks to run the circuit), along with a few one and dones, and four YouTube channels. I would like to share those podcasts with you, so that you can get another glimpse of what piques my curiosity and will often dictate what I read and/or write. 

I would also like to note that a lot of these podcasts have fascinating websites attached to them as well, and those are worth looking at too.

1. Stuff You Missed In History Class: the title says it all. From what I understand, this podcast has been around since the mid 2000s, and the running gag on the podcast is when people write in to say they have earned their PhD by listening to the entire back catalog. No topic or person too obscure or well known is off limits to them and it's well worth a listen to.
2. Dark Downeast: This is a fantastic true crime podcast that specializes in New England crime. I'm currently going through the back catalog while listening to current episodes and I highly recommend it as well.
3. Legends Of The Old West: A great podcast that covers everything associated with the Old West. The host recently came out with a book covering a period of the Indian Wars of the late 19th century.
4. Park Predators: another true crime podcast that specializes in the National Park System and has occasional episodes based overseas.
5. Criminalia: A very odd true crime podcast that will take a in-depth look at a particular type of crime per season, (e.g. arson, poisoning, patent medicines) and as a bonus will create a cocktail/mocktail for each episode. They currently have a book due out later this year.
6. Cautionary Tales: It's a bit hard to pin down just exactly what this podcast is about beyond the title. Very cool podcast that often tells two stories covering different viewpoints on a given topic/problem/issue.
7. The Big Flop: As it title states, this podcast covers the well known blunders and public mistakes of companies and people (e.g. the Fyre Festival, Janet Jackson debacle, and the Willy Wonka debacle in the UK).
8. Infamous America: this is a companion podcast to the Legends Of the Old West, as it's produced by the same media company. They cover well known historical infamous events/people (e.g. The Black Sox scandal, DB Cooper, Willie Sutton and the Zodiac Killer).
9. Mobituaries: this podcast deals with the lives/legacies of well known people/events (e.g June Foray, John Denver, Wanda LaPage and a PBS show he was a writer on called Wishbone). Created by Mo Rocca, he's also written a couple of books about this topic. 
10. History On Trial: this podcast focuses on historical trials that affect crime and punishment, along with the lasting aftereffect. (e.g. the abolishment of the "3rd degree", obscenity, defamation, adultery)
11. The Wild: this podcast covers all things nature, wildlife and the environment. Based out of Seattle, hosted by environmentalist Chris Morgan, it's a very informative and entertaining look at the world around us (e.g. bears, the fragile ecosystem in certain areas, the Cascades and wolves)
12. The Curious History of Your House: is exactly as it states. Covers the history of everyday objects, hosted by domestic historian Ruth Goodman (e.g. windows, bathrooms, utensils and board games).
13. The Mets Pod: Self explanatory, but this pod takes over a previous NY Mets podcast that was getting to be maddeningly inconsistent when it came to publishing. This one is actually owned by SNY TV (sports home of Met, Jets, Nets, Knicks and I believe UCONN still).
14. Which Game First: this is a podcast produced by a cousin of mine, who covers the RPG/board game industry. They review all sorts of games, attend/put on conventions, weekly live stream their gaming. A very cool podcast that's been going on for about 6 years.
15. The People's Recorder: not sure if this is simply a one-off or not, but this podcast covers the WPA Writer's Project of the pre-WWII years, with an emphasize on the forgotten/overlooked communities of the time period (aka, everyone who wasn't White). Highly informative, with recent episodes covering Indigenous people and former slaves. I found this one via another podcast on this list called "Sidedoor".
16. Scamfluencers; this one covers all kinds of scams that have taken place. Some well known, like the eighteen year old masquerading as a doctor and the Fyre Festival, others a bit more obscure, like a woman who drove a town into bankruptcy/receivership to fund her lifestyle of breeding show horses and the entrepreneur who scammed his way to opening a well known ski resort in Vermont. 
17. Small Town Dicks: this is a true crime podcast that has a special emphasis on small town crime, mostly in the US, with the occasional foray into Scotland and Australia. They recently aired a six part series on the first modern murder investigation (that is, one that first used the forensic techniques that are commonplace today). This one is hosted and produced by Yeardley Smith.
18. Sidedoor: this is a podcast produced/created by the Smithsonian Institute, so the topics are often based mostly from items in the various collections housed there. A recent episode covered the history of women winning the right to have credit cards/loans in their own names.
19. Criminal Attorney: I believe this is a one-off and I'm not sure if its non-fiction or fiction. I just heard the promo for it, and a podcast about a criminal defense attorney drawing the ire of the FBI can't be all that bad, right?
20. Empire City: this one is a bit of an outlier for me, in that it's a critical history of the NYPD, told by a journalist/activist that leans a little more left politically than I'm personally comfortable with. Having said that, so far it's been a good deep dive into one of America's top three major police departments (other being Chicago and LA, in my opinion). I also believe this one is a one-off as well, although I could be wrong.

A minor break here, as I wanted to briefly highlight four YouTube channels that often make it into my podcast rotation. Three are political in nature that are moderate/conservative, but the fourth is a writing related channel that started earlier in the year called "Only Murders In My Mind", which is about the wonderful world of crime writing (true crime and all kinds of murder mysteries). It's hosted by three well known UK crime/mystery writers and I highly recommend it. They too have a blog associated with the channel as well.

1. Tides of History: Almost no explanation needed. From 2017 thru 2019, this podcast dealt with the history of the Middle Ages through the Italian Renaissance. From 2020 to the present, he switched gears and started covering pre-history, the Stone age, Bronze Age, the Iron Age and is currently making his way back to the Middle Ages. If you like world history, this is a fantastic podcast to check out.
2. American History Tellers: also self-explanatory, this podcast deals with American History and other connected world events. Topics of recent note include Tulsa Race Massacre, the Space Race and the First Ladies Of the White House. He also hosts the next podcasts on this list, as well as one from 2020 called American Elections/Wicked Games.
3. American Scandals: Also self-explanatory, this once covers American Scandals, of recent note were The Teapot Dome Scandal, The Titanic and Watergate.
4. Business Wars: this one covers battles between different businesses. Of recent note, Coke v Pepsi, ESPN v FoxSports, CNN v FoxNews and Fender v Gibson.
5. British Scandals: just like the one mentioned above, except the focus is on Britain, of recent note, Jeffrey Archer, Oasis, The Peru Two and the man who faked an around the globe boat race.
6. Decoding the Unknown: this podcast/YouTube channel covers all kinds of well known mysteries, including Avril Lavigne, The Man in Black, Lost Tomb of Alexander the Great and Nazi gold. This podcast/YouTube channel is hosted by Simon Whistler, who has nearly one dozen total channels under this belt that you should check out.
7. The Casual Criminalist: this is another podcast/YouTube channel hosted by Simon Whistler. The pleasant thing about this one and the previous is that he really puts his dry sense of humor to the test, so in spite of the gruesomely dark subject matter, he really does make it very enjoyable to listen to. Topics include just any well known murder(s) you can think of between the 19th and 21st century.
8. Grating the Nutmeg: this one I found via random FB page suggestion. This covers the very entertaining topic of Connecticut history, which they must be doing very well as they're coming up to their 200th episode. While it doesn't seem like a lot, they do publish on a bi-monthly basis, which puts their born on date around the late 2010's. Highly recommend if you want to learn the history of a seldom mentioned original colony.

To sum all of this up, this is what passes for literary entertainment in my tiny slice of the universe. If you're into podcasts, please give these a look see, you won't be disappointed if you do. However, I will give you a fair warning about the two Simon Whistler channels: he really does very deep dives, as each episode can range anywhere from 55 minutes to almost 2 1/2 hours in length. 

Have a fantastic Monday everyone! And remember, Christmas is just around the corner, at least according to the advertisers.

{c} 2024 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved

Episode #243: I'm Sorry, What Was Your Name Again?

Another lovely chalk drawing created during the annual Newington Waterfall Festival, which is the official goodbye to summer and a timid hello to autumn.

I love creating throwaway characters for my stories. You just give them a few characteristics and a reason for being in your scene, then POOF!, they're discarded like a celeb's political opinion, never to be heard from again. Usually.

However, while I love creating throwaway characters, I do have a small issue when it comes to giving them a....bleech...name. When I have to plaster their entire being with a name, it usually means that this person can't be deposed of like a celeb's political opinion, but instead you have to give them the short attention span treatment.

Which is easier said than done. But...I do have secret guilty pleasure when it comes to slapping a moniker on a throwaway: giving them the most horrendously puerile name that I have stashed in my memory.

I know you know what I'm talking about. There are names that we have heard used back in the day in books, movies, radio and t.v., that automatically makes us want to use a spoon for gagging purposes. That's right, they're the kind of names that you can instantly conjure a bad stereotype of right off the bat (think of Ralph Wiggins from the Simpsons), whether they're male or female.

I actually have a short catalog of annoying names, mostly male, that I draw from when I have a character that appears in the story just a shade longer than a "blink and you'll miss" cameo. I say 'mostly male', because the majority of my stories skewer quite heavily towards women and I cannot bring myself to write those kind of obnoxious people as female.

For example, I use the name Melvin quite a lot in my stories. Back in the day, I rank the name 'Melvin' right up there with 'Myron' and 'Eugene' for names that I instantly dislike {equivalent would be those cute kitty memes/pics that often can induce rage among the populace}. So I often use the name for very unlikable characters that need to stick around longer than a "blink and you'll miss him" cameo.

In an upcoming novella, I had a character that was key to moving a few plot points along, even though each encounter lasted less than two total paragraphs (had three appearances in total). So naturally he gained the sobriquet of 'Melvin'. 

Melvin was one of those greasy fat blobs of a human being that seemed to live in his car 24/7/365 and was one of those annoying little druggies who thought he was hot stuff with his dealer and the ladies he would come across {what we would probably call today, an 'incel'}. Melvin was easily intimidated by anyone who had displayed just a tiny whiff of intolerance to his verbal vomit, so naturally, he became a verbal/physical punching bag to those who could actually back up what they were saying to him. So he was the perfect throwaway character that showed up, drank your beer, scarfed down your nachos, insulted your female guests, then left with his tail between his legs.

In my current novella, I managed to use quite a few throwaways that lasted less than three pages for each appearance: generic wannabe tough guys, corrupt cops, various members of a large collection agency, even an atypical druggie and pimp. All nameless and all were used to simply move the story along. I believe this was the first story where I didn't need to tack on a name for a long term throwaway, as everyone who was named was an essential character to the story.

In my current project, because I had so many plotlines going, the unfortunate aspect of naming my throwaways had to be deployed. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to keep the usage of each throwaway character to a manageable level, so in essence, they started drifting from throwaway to additional. But, and this is a big one, I actually had to go back in time to make sure that I wasn't repeating any of the names for those throwaways, because each and every character was injected with just enough personality to make them unique.

So the throwaways for this story with names were as follows: a Lothario teacher (Leonid), a peasant (Simon), a chatty horse who doesn't know when to stay silent (Lawrence), a well-respected teacher among his pupils (Mr. Percival), a group of humanoids (Arturo, Isiah, Louis, Anatole) and one dog (Cerberus). All of these charming people were essential to moving the various plotlines along.

Now comes the part that all writers can enjoy creating: throwaways with no names.

Those are much more fun to play with, as it's one of the few times that you can use a blatant stereotype in order to move a plot a long/showcase your protagonist/antagonist in their particular element without the reader getting too much annoyed with you. At least if you're putting that particular throwaway in their place.

Need a way to showcase a character's ability to inflict broken bones/leave a lasting impression by only touching them? Create a stereotypical brutish drunkard with more brawn than brain cells. For added hilarity, imply that the man might be from the Old West. To leave a lasting impression, create a stereotypical foppish palace courtier that is all bark and no bite. Need a way to showcase a character's acerbic wit that can cut a Sequoia down to kindling? Create a pompous Kevin/Karen who likes to name drop "important friends".

There are virtually an endless amount of opportunities to create throwaway characters that are both cannon fodder and move a particular plot point along. You don't need to pour a multitude of character development for a throwaway character. Remember, people playing a red shirt member of Star Trek or a starship trooper from Star Wars were there just to collect a paycheck. No more, no less. Your throwaway character is there to just collect a paycheck, only in the form of actual dialogue. No more, no less.

Have a fun filled happy Monday, and remember, every person deserves their moment in the sun, but not every person deserves to have multiple moments in the sun.

{c} 2024 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved