Episode #131: Dad Likes Reading, But Doesn't Like Bad Books

As many of you are aware, unlike Mr. Cuddles there, I am a semi-voracious reader. Have been for the better part of five decades, and I've dipped my toes in quite a few genres during that time. So that dipping of the toes, has allowed me to furmulate very solid opinions on what I like and don't like for books/genres.

Some of you may also know that I uniformly detest one entire genre and all of its little offspring, called Literary Fiction. The definition is basically the non T.L.;D.R. version of why I don't like that genre.

Because I so thoroughly detest that genre, as well as its very annoying offspring Literary Non-Fiction, I will not dwell on why I have been unable to finish even one-quarter of a book written in that genre, but suffice to say, I'll leave the dreck to the higher educations schools that demand their students to read it.

Leaving that particular genre and all the associated problems behind will make this a difficult blog post to write, only because that genre has so many things that annoy the you-know-what out of me. But, we shall give it the old collage try. 

One of the main reasons that I will not complete a book, no matter how promising the book jacket reads, is if the story itself is drier than my mother's cooking. If I'm falling asleep, or if my mind wanders to the point I'm reading the same page repeatedly, or I'm skipping large sections to see if there's anything to pique my interest, chances are, that book will be banished to the far side of my public library. Yes, I get the bulk of my reading material these days from the public library, but I do purchase a small amount of books from people that I know will not disappoint me.

A good example of this theory is the book "Battlefield Earth." I was dipping my toes into the sci-fi genre back when was a teen, saw this on the shelf, saw it was a monstrosity for a tome (if you've ever seen the paperback version of "Shogun", then you got the basic idea of the size), so I figured I would give it a shot.

No. Just. No. Made it through two chapters(?) before giving up and biting the bullet. I returned the book and I think my next read was a 10 volume series set in post nuclear America. Anyways, that book was such a snoozer that I vowed then and there to never, ever get anything written by the man. Even if it was on sale, and a lot of his stuff was in the discount book department of our regional outlet store called Ocean State Job Lot, I would not strain my eyes.

Another writer that I absolutely loathe, and in fact turned me off to the fantasy genre for the better part of the decade was Robert Jordan's "Wheel Of Time" series. I gave up after volume 8, when it seemed like there was no end to the series. Each book was 800+ pages, had about 6 different major plot lines going on, and I had to go back to the previous volume to refresh my memory because he would pick up/advance some plots a book or two later. It just annoyed the hell out of me so much that I just gave up. I believe his estate hired another writer to finish the book series, which went 15(?) volumes I think.

I found a lot of fantasy novel series to be like this: they got on and one with no end in sight, and when you somehow do reach the end, you're like, "WTF did I just waste my time on?"

So now that you have a basic idea on what drives me nuts, let me tell you about the one memoir that I read back in 2014 that in my opinion is the worst one ever penned by the person in question.

Neil Patrick Harris, he of "Doogie Howser M.D." and "How I Met Your Mother" wrote a memoir that he published as an "Select Your Adventure" style book. To refresh your memory, this type of book was popular with the tween generation back in the day. Basically, you started reading a story and when you got to a certain point, it gave you two page choices on how you wanted to continue. You select your page, go to the page and continue with the story. Wash. Rinse and Repeat.

Well, he wrote his memoir using that exact same method. I understand he is/was a fascinating person who is also a magician of sorts, so I kind get why he would want to write a book like this. But the print version of his book was just so...inane, loopy, irritating and ultimately, a snooze fest. I mean, the concept probably would've worked if he was writing a fictional novella or something, but not a memoir.

Suffice to say, I never did finish this book. I got so incredibly frustrated trying to read this book that after about an hour or so I gave up and returned the book back to the library the next day. Completely soured me on reading anything else written by him going forward. Which is kind of sad if you think about it. I mean, if you're trying to grow your readership, no matter who you are, do you really want to sabotage it by writing a book that only your hardcore readership would maybe get into?

So overall, while I'm not so picky when it comes to reading books, I do like it when a book does at least two things for me: keeps my interest and doesn't make me want to permanently swear off on a particular author.

So, is there an author that you don't read anymore because of what they wrote/how they wrote it?

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